03 May How inter-parental relationship affects the child

 Mr. and Mrs. Khanna has an only son, Rahul. What a nice and sweet boy!

Both his parents love and pamper him a lot. BUT….separately. I mean they don’t get along well. Although they all live together under the same roof, the parents don’t share a great rapport.

Actually, everything changed after Rahul was born. Now, they blame each other for tensions between them.

Rahul is just 5 years old. He doesn’t get all of this grown-up stuff.

He gets a little scared when weekend approaches. Because he knows they both would argue and fight over something and he doesn’t like that at all.

The sad part is that his parents don’t even know what Rahul is missing in life and how their issues are impacting his social and emotional growth.

I guess you have got the idea what are we going to talk here about…

When you are a kid, you look up to your parents for everything. The way parents talk, eat, wear and even brush their teeth. Slowly, the parents’ relationship starts influencing kid’s mental and emotional maturity. It decides how the kid would conduct his or her life when turning out as an adult.

Parents might not notice but their children develop ideas by watching them. Don’t you remember any incident from your own childhood when your parents were so involved in their emotional state that acted as if you are invisible? I am quite sure that few of you would have also done the same. Some try to fool themselves thinking that kids are playing or busy in something. Eventually, this same behaviour gets re-enacted by the children when they start their adulthood journey.

Whether a couple argues, shouts or gives a silent treatment to each other, it is not healthy for children. They sense everything. It’s very common for them to show signs of anxiety, depression, insecurity, sleep disturbance or disrupted early brain development. All due to severe inter parental conflict.

All about the role of parents’ relationship in the child development and how to fix the issues.

Only a healthy environment can develop values in a kid.

When they will see a parent helping and taking care of another, they learn affection and compassion.

I am not suggesting here to stay in a bad marriage or fix the unfixable.

But if a couple knows that it is going through a rough patch and they can work towards fixing it, then why not? Why wait for the other one to make the first move.

It is very common for couple dynamics to change after having a baby.

The time you used to spend to take of yourself and each other, now, goes to a new family member who has suddenly demanded to be the core of all attention.

A new mother gets busy. She expects the partner to be her emotional support and be proactive in giving her a hand. But that doesn’t happen often, right? A new father also gets busy in adjusting to changes. His major attention is always at the baby and generally forgets about the mother. The couple time becomes baby or family time.

Hence, intimacy and communication between new parents take a beat.

In a way, it is natural to happen.

Baby makes life exciting and wonderful but it surely becomes exhausting and worrisome as well.

So what can you do to stay close?

Share the load. Before the wife asks, the husband should give a hand in domestic chores or taking care of the baby for some time. Take duties of nappy changing, burp time or walking till baby sleeps. It will improve your bond with baby as well.

No matter what, talk to each other. Share your feeling and worries. While you listen to your partner, make sure you are not being judgemental about it.

Don’t sweat over the small things. It’s just a phase. Remember, most of the times, it’s just hormones and lack of sleep.

If the house looks a little messy, leave it. It’s not going to burn. Spend that time with each other.

Mommies, if papa wants to help and spend some time with the baby, give him space. Be careful but don’t nag him much.

Relationships go through many ups and downs- in terms of intensity and excitement. But it doesn’t mean that you give up on love and emotional investment you did over the time. Stress gets too much and boring patches make guys end up taking out on each other but one gentle gesture makes you rediscover why you are together.

Remind yourself over and over that you are not alone and if you need help, ask for it. There is no shame in that! Redefine the balance in your dynamics.

If you are happy as a couple, your bonding with the new addition to the family will become even more special.